Well, it’s been a week since Valentine’s Day. The stores
have sold out of their candy supply and the “lovie dovies” have settled down,
for the most part. This was my 21st Valentine’s Day that I
celebrated as “single”. And by single I mean no boyfriend/fiancée/husband. I
have never been in a “relationship” of the sorts. I have had many guy friends
but no romantic relation. “Oh you poor girl! You’re almost 21 years old and
have never had a boyfriend?” Yes, this is true. And it’s not like I haven’t
ever wanted one. Someone to hold on those lonely nights, someone to share major
milestones with, someone to cherish for the rest of my earthly life…
But I say all this to bring hope and encouragement (even
though it doesn’t sound like it at first glance). For those of you who are
struggling with your singleness, know that you’re not alone! Singleness, as
well as marriage, is a beautiful gift from God! Let me give a little back story
to help explain this. When I was younger I was, well I don’t really know how to
describe myself. I wasn’t quite the full out tom boy, but I wasn’t a girly girl
either. I loved to run around and play outside, build things with wood and
nails, and play with mud. I also loved playing kitchen, sewing, and putting on
nail polish. So I liked to do things. I had both guys and girls as childhood
companions. As I got older, I felt myself wanting to hang around guys more.
This wasn’t because I thought they were “cute” and wanted their attention! Boys
still had “cuties”. I just knew that my guy friends did a lot of the same
things that I wanted to do. We would build forts, play cops-and-robbers, have
lightsaber battles, and run around in the woods.
Jumping into the middle school years, my family had started
going to a new church and I didn’t like it. I hated (and still struggle with)
change. Switching churches meant finding new friends. Completely new friends. I
was homeschooled, so even though I had to make new friends at church I didn’t
have the “old friends” from school to fall back on for comfort. And what made
this process even more difficult was the fact that there seemed to be two
cliques even at this young age: the boys and the girls. These were the kids
that had been together in the same church since they were probably in diapers.
I was the awkward red head that came in “mid-season” and had no one to talk to.
Luckily I met the girl who would become my middle school best friend. She was
also homeschooled and had similar interests, so we were socially awkward
together. This led me to start hanging around girls more often. We would hang
out to sew and talk about fashion. Don’t get me wrong, I still had my guy
friends, but it was girls who took up more of my time.
Now on to high school. I would still build forts on occasion
with my little siblings, and paint my sisters nails, but I had moved on to
bigger things for the most part. School, church, choir, and eventually
graduation dominated my high school years. My guy/girl friend ratio was pretty
equal. We would do different things as a group: we had a 4-H club, we would go
to see movies, and we would even host historical dances (you know: the Virginia
reel, Carolina promenade, waltzes…). We were nerds, but we were nerds together!
These type of relationships continued when I got to college. I enjoyed hanging
out with guys as well as girls. Nothing really seemed awkward around them. They
were just other creatures created by God.
This is just a little synopsis of my life and relationships thus
far. You may be asking yourself what all this has to do with love and
relationships. I’m getting back around to that little bit. I would occasionally
have a “crush” on one of my guy friends, whether it was my best guy friend from
elementary school that my mom would tease me about or the guy that was in my
Sunday school class. And that’s all they were: crushes, nothing more. I would
think they were cute or smart or funny but I never did anything about it. They
were my friends and that’s how I wanted it to stay. I would also never tell
anyone about these crushes. I didn’t want to get hurt or have gossip spread. As
I got older, it got harder to stop thinking about these emotions, mainly
because I felt like I was moving towards the age that I would start looking for
a husband. And let me say that I feel like that is my goal in life: to be a
wife and mother. (I understand that that isn’t for everyone, but it’s what I
want).
On that note you may wonder what’s so great about being
single if all you want to do is be a wife and mother. Singleness is something
that God gave us to prepare for the next steps in life. Those steps may include
lifelong singleness or it may include having a family. God wants us to use this
stage of life to develop ourselves and become more like Him. Paul even states
in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good
for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” When we are single, we can devote ALL of
our time to serving the Lord. We don’t have to worry about whether our spouse
has clean clothes for work tomorrow or whether the kids have eaten. We are only
dependent on God. He wants us to use this time to serve Him. Going on a mission
trip, teaching a bible study, being an accountability partner, or even knitting
hats for orphans in Brazil! Yes, I do know someone who did that, she even got
to hand deliver them. How cool is that?! And she was able to do this because
she was using her singleness to the best of her God-given ability!
But even if we aren’t meant to be single for the rest of our
earthly lives, God still wants us to make the most of it. Use this time to
develop a strong relationship with God. Start and keep a quiet time every day.
Read his word and meditate on the scriptures! Pray, Pray, PRAY! I can’t stress
this enough. When we pray, we give all of our cares, worries, joys and burdens
to our heavenly father. We must surrender our lives to the one who created us.
And for those of you who feel called to have a husband and family: start
praying for them now! There’s no better time to do this. My favorite plan comes
from Nancy at Revive Our Hearts which can be found here. She has a 30-day prayer challenge on many different subjects that can be
completed in a month. Also use this time to pray for others outside of your
family. “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and
requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the
saints” Ephesians 6:18. God wants us to come to Him with anything and
everything.
So to wrap things up, I urge you to make use of your
singleness. God is preparing you, just like He’s preparing me, to do the work
of His kingdom. If we mope around and wonder why we haven’t met “the one” yet,
then we are not putting our trust on God’s perfect timing. If He has it in His
plan for you to get married and have a family, it’ll happen! This is what keeps
me motivated to do my best and press onward. Our goals shouldn’t be to please
other imperfect humans, it should be to do God’s will! So, if only for a
moment, forget that you are “single” and focus on God’s plan for your life. He
put you in this stage for a purpose. It’s not always going to be easy but just
remember what James said, “Consider it pure joy, my brother, whenever you face
trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops
perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and
complete, not lacking anything” James 1:2-4.
Sincerely,
Ann
